mY sO-CaLLeD LiFe

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 14:43:35 GMT

just a quick update...

-classes suck
-waking up at 630am everyday sucks
-locking my keys in my apartment sucks
-making journals out of scratch sucks (well,it's not too bad but I thought I'd throw that in there)

I'm dreading this semester. So much work and doesn't seem to be enough time.

I plan on going out tonight and drinking away my worries :)

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 12:48:39 GMT

I'm leaving for Ohio today to see my family. I was pretty excited about it but now I have other things going on that are ruining the excitement and putting me in a depressed mood. This always happens to me when I get excited about going away for the weekend. Then I spend my time moping around instead of enjoying it like I should be.

We're going to be going to the Southern Park/Eastwood Mall and the Canfield fair I believe. Also, my cousin Emily is going to be moving to North Carolina for a job in few days so we might go out and celebrate. That should be fun/interesting. She is wild. I wanted to go to the Grove City Outlets but my Aunt says it's too hot for her to take her baby in and out of the air conditioning all day and she can't find a babysitter so that sucks. Plus her mother in law wanted to come along and I can't stand that woman for more than 2 minutes.

My landlord has fixed the light in the bathroom, but nothing else. They are freaking worthless. My phone is still currently not working. I don't have the money to buy a new phone so I'm going to have to be phoneless until December. It works on speakerphone but that is such a pain in the ass.

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 14:05:09 GMT

Sitting at work and bored out of my mind.

I was never aware that I had a big ass until I lost 20 pounds and everyone keeps talking about how small my ass got. WTF? I never thought I had a big ass to begin with. Apparantly I was wrong. Noone said it in a negative way, in fact a lot of them seemed disappointed that my ass was no more, but I don't like to hear that I had a ghetto ass so I'm glad that I got rid of it.

((side note: my boss is so fucking deaf i cannot stand it))--if you can't hear, buy hearing aids
....thankfully she is not going to be my boss anymore because she's been transferred because noone can stand her. Yea I felt bad about it too for like 5 seconds, but if you knew the woman you would be jumping for joy if you were me.

My party was fun, anyone who missed it sucks and missed out! But to everyone that came, I'm so glad and I appreciate everything you did for me <3 I'll never forget it. I've also decided that I'll never put on another party again. People say they will come so you decide to throw the party in the first place and before you know it noone is coming. That is a shitty feeling.

I'm having so many problems with my landlord. I've called several times and nothing has come of it. My father called this morning and they tried to say that they have told their maintenance men several times about my problems. Well my advice to them is hire new workers. I'm getting so freaking pissed and don't have a clue what to do. I should have documented everything from the very beginning but even that wouldn't have helped me any I don't think. Landlords here in Morgantown
are assholes and get away with so much shit. So much added stress that I just don't need right now.

On top of this, my cell phone has decided to stop working. I can call out and everything but when it's connected I can't hear anything the person on the other line is saying. My contract doesn't run out until December, and although I'm allowed to resign it with CELLULARONE, I wasn't planning on resigning with them. I don't know what to do about that either. I can ask about how much it would cost for me to cancel out earlier. I can see if they can take an old phone and program my plan to it. If I can do that, I need to find a phone to use. And I could add insurance and then take it and get it replaced for the time I have remaining. ANY SUGGESTIONS?

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 13:36:38 GMT

Since I have stopped working at the Roadhouse, my life has been sooo stress free. It's a great feeling. The job at the lab may be boring at times, but I feel very comfortable here. I like the shift I work. Weekends off and done at 3:30 everyday. The only thing I really miss about working at the Roadhouse is having instant cash in your hand at all times. But if that's the only thing I miss, then I think I made the right decision!

My birthday is on Monday. It sucks I can't be home for it, but I have to work and I NEED to work; I need the money. Oh well it won't be too bad. I don't really have anything planned for the day of my birthday. Probably just dinner or something. Saturday is the party, which I hope people come. I have always been nervous to have parties or host something for fear that noone would show up. Lori's not coming and that sucks, but I hope that everyone else can make it. I'll just have to make a trip to Pittsburgh for a weekend to visit her.

Going home on Friday, I'm really excited. I wish I could go home more often.

I'm having an issue with my birthday dress. I ordered it online, but John bought it as a present. He recently just informed me that they never sent him an email confirming the order or anything like that which, by the way, I ordered the dress like over a week ago. I asked him today to let me see the email so I could see the tracking number and everything. SO I'm pretty pissed about it. I am waiting for the customer service office to open so I can call and ask what's going on. I will be so upset if the order never went through or something and I won't get the dress in time. I hope he just deleted it thinking it was junk mail or something.

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 04:05:11 GMT

Things are really rough right now. I'm taking everything day by day and praying that everything works out for the best. My heart cannot take much more.

I respect my brother so much for the positive attitude that he continues to have on a daily basis. I know that if I were in that situation I wouldn't be as optimistic as he is. I love him very much and I want him to have a life filled with joy. I cannot wait until he walks again. I hope I am there! I will be hugging him to death :)

I think that I am putting my two weeks notice in at the Roadhouse on Tuesday. If I continue to work there, I will not have any time off and I need to have days off so that I can go home and help out my family whenever it is needed. They can't do it all alone and I know that they are going to need my help. I think that my family thinks it's a good idea as well. I know that I make a lot of money working there, but it's not worth it to me. I known that I am the happiest at home and I need to make more trips there not only for me, but for my family as well.

i'm trying to think of other things to say. Lots of boys have been trying to talk to me, but for once I'd just like at least one of them to be a genuinely good person. not that I want to date someone because that's clearly not the case, I just would like to know that one exists and is interested in getting to know me. I don't know, an ego booster of sorts. Call it what you will. Anyway, this guy at work calls me everyday and constantly tries to spend time with me outside of work, but apparantly he's doing that to other girls at work too. WTF. Can you just be satisfied with one girl please? And she talks about him a lot, which means that she likes him a lot, and I feel bad and don't know what to say. Boys are such boogers. o\Other than that, he has a sense of humor like my brother and makes me laugh my ass off so I enjoy the company I suppose.

Hmm what else. T-29 days until my birthday. I'm inviting everyone to morgantown the weekend of the 21st. Noone will probably come but the invitation is out there to anyone who wants it.

the end.

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 21:53:40 GMT

It's hard to look the person that you love the most in the face and tell them that you don't want to be with them or continue what is was that you had together anymore. Especially when you were the one in the relationship that remained faithful for four years and you were the one that wanted so much to be with them. But you have to. Because if you dont, the rest of your life will be spent in worry and fear that this will keep happening to you over and over.

Some days I feel as if the last four years of my life were nothing but a lie. But other days, I feel as though everything happened as a result of change. It wasn't always like that. Whatever caused this change I'll never know. It hurts so much when you put all of your heart, energy, loyalty and trust into something and you get taken advantage of because of it. But I suppose that this is all a part of life and learning.

It feels so good to have finally stuck up for myself and to get all of that hurt and worry off of my chest. Finally.

I'll be spending the rest of my night unpacking my apartment and finishing an online exam that was due today. Then possibly hanging out with Caleb and Janeen, depending on when they get off of work.

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 21:19:48 GMT

ahhhhh 40 something days until my birthday :)IM SOOO EGGGCITED!

I want to get a lot accomplished this week!

Sun, 28 May 2006 02:54:32 GMT

i am not happy with my life...

Fri, 05 May 2006 15:04:41 GMT

Finals are over. I only actually had one cumulative final for my math class. I needed to get like an 80 or something on the final to keep my a B in the class, which I think I managed, but we'll see. The last time I thought I got an A on a test I completely failed it. The professor is a jerk.

Anyways, I'm very thankful that the semester is finally over. This was by far, the most stressful and busy semester I have had so far. Now I can concentrate on relaxing before my summer class starts, along with working at the Roadhouse.

My roadhouse training is going okay so far. I have to take this massive test on Sunday that I pray I pass. I have been studying everyday for it so far. It's going to be hard.

That's pretty much everything that's been going on in my life. I miss everyone! I have been so busy, I hope everything is going good for everyone :)

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 18:05:18 GMT

Just a quick post to let everyone know that I'm still alive...
just so busy I don't have time for anything fun anymore.

:)

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 19:42:51 GMT

Recently I have become very proud of the person that I am becoming. I am an honest, loyal and loving person. I couldn't have asked for better qualities.

I deserve a lot. And I realize this. I have a lot of love to give. I fight for what I want and I work hard for things in life. I want someone to love me and fight for me and do everything they can to keep me theirs. I don't deserve dishonesty and I don't deserve feeling alone or not good enough. When things get rough, I need to know they will be there for me throughout anything. I don't want to feel afraid to bring problems up because I might get broken up with.

Life is so hard. But I have learned a lot, especially what I deserve. I'm not going to settle for anything less.

I am in love and put that person as my number one priority in everything that I do. It is exhausting because this feeling is not reciprocated. I cannot do this to myself any longer, I just can't. It's really important for me to be strong.

Someone said that I should never have to feel alone a day in my life. That I am worth more than I'll ever know. What hurts is that I sat there picturing it was coming out of someone else's mouth.

I'm tired of analyzing myself and trying to figure out what's so wrong with me. Am I too fat? or too ugly? Someone is going to love me the way that I am. And whoever that is, will make me the happiest girl in the world.

ughhhhhh

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 16:56:55 GMT

I will never like another boy ever again...

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 16:41:48 GMT

<td align="center"> ashley lynn --
[adjective]:

Visually addictive

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 01:18:30 GMT

Life is so complicated and stressful sometimes...

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 01:55:58 GMT

Three Names You Go By
Ash
Boo
Ash-hole

Three Parts of Your Heritage
Italian
Irish

Three Things That Scare You
Tornados
Being alone
The robbers that robbed my apartment

Three of Your Everyday Essentials
shower
love
food

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now
pajama bottoms
earrings
incubus tshirt

Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists:
incubus is my favorite
foo fighters??
???

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
Honesty
Loyalty
Respect
...I might toss one of those and add in FUN...

Physical characteristics that Appeal to You (in the opposite sex)
smile
hands
asssss

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies
music
movies
sleeping!

Three Things You want to do really badly right now
be with that special someoneeeeeee
go on vacation
go to sleep and skip classes tomorrow

Three Places You Want to go on Vacation
california
hawaii
uhmm I don't know about a third one maybe Italy

Three Things You Want to Do/Be Before You Die
have a family
go back to France
learn how to play the piano

Three Ways that you are stereotypically a boy/girl
I have boobs
I wear makeup
I carry a purse

Three people I would like to do this questionnaire:
It doesn't matter!
Maggie
Anna Marie
Lori

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 19:42:12 GMT

Trying to waste time at work...

I got my laptop back yesterday. The cops said that they found it under the kid's dad's bed. When the cop questioned the father he told them that Ashley was his son's girlfriend and she gave the computer to his son. Well I sure wasn't aware that I had a boyfriend...

The cop knew it was a lie but couldn't do anything about it until I filed a report that my computer was stolen.

Anywaysss he's out of jail and I was informed he lives in my area. Good to know. Also, the cops are going to just keep an eye out for me and my apartment. It kind of scares me that they feel the need to do this, but apparantly this guy is bad news.

Moving on...

Late classes suck. I am tired of having them. They take enjoyment out of the class entirely. I bet I wouldn't be so miserable if I had class at normal times like everyone else.

My diet is going pretty good. I hardly have time to eat period, but when I do it's always been something healthy. I have been walking sooo much, like 4 miles a day and my legs and arms are sore so that's good too. I hope I will start feeling a little better about myself as time goes on.

Nothing else is going on really. Realizing that it's necessary to have a car more than ever before. There's no way I will make it through this semester without one. SO hopefully something works out soon.

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 01:36:53 GMT

Going back to Morgantown tomorrow probably. I'm not too thrilled about that at all.

Some exciting things have happened since the last time I updated.

1. My digital camera was broken
2. My laptop was stolen.

My apartment was broken into in Morgantown and my laptop was stolen. I filled out a report and thankfully they found it and the 2 guys who stole it are in jail. I never in a million years thought that the police would be able to find it. I was freaking out trying to figure out where I was going to come up with the money to buy a new one, but now I don't have to. Just as long as my locks get changed I will be happy because as of right now I feel really unsafe there.

I've had a really great time at home. Fidanza's mom gave me a massage for free. That was great. She also kissed me goodnight. I love her! She also wanted my phone number, she's so cute.

Anyways, besides that I've been pretty busy and I'm not ready to go back to school.

I'm only taking 13 hours next semester. I cannot handle another semester like last so I decided to give myself a much deserved break and just take summer classes instead. Yay. Also, I'll have a job and I'll be able to work more hours. So we'll see how that goes.

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 16:49:06 GMT

I'm home...

Life has been pretty good. Seeing my friends is great. I've missed them a lot.

Beside my digital camera being ruined by drunkards, this break is enjoyable. The nice part of that day was getting a free meal at the Olive Garden :)

Leaving for Ohio today. I'm excited to see my family.

What's everyones plans for New Years? I think I want to go to Morgantown...We'll see what happens.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Love you!

OHH I ALMOST FORGOT. I dyed my hair. DARK. I have never changed my hair color or style before. Now I've done both. I just thought it was time for something new. It's hard to get used to, but it's a nice change for now at least.

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 16:27:23 GMT

I have had a really great couple of days!

I signed a lease to a new apartment. It is cheaper, bigger and closer to campus than where I am living now. Although I am broke and have negative dollars in my account, I think it was worth it. I don't think that you gain anything in life without having to give something up.

I keep thinking that God is getting rid of the things I don't really need in my life. I have lost a lot of things in my life that I care very deeply about but I keep trying to tell myself that maybe there are brighter things ahead in my future. I know I can make something of myself and I know one day I will be very successful if I just took my ass to class and kept my grades up.

I had a really great weekend. Friday night I went to Chic n Bones with Chantel and Adrian. Drew met us there later on that night. We ate food and had some drinks. I also saw Carieeee there! :) And she looked so perdy in her formal dress. Billy and Heather were there as well and they just got ENGAGED! How exciting those two are just very wonderful people. I had a lot of fun that night and it got my mind off of everything that's been going on. Saturday I went to Pittsburgh for Lori's 21st birthday! I missed her and Maggie tons! Lori's friends were really nice as well and I think that everyone had a really good time minus the nooo heat in their apartment. We all got to experience what it's sort of like to be homeless...hah except we had blankets.

I finally met Anna Marie! This is us...and she was just as lovely as I expected :)

I had a great weekend and I didn't want to come back! I get used to having people surround me and it's hard to be pushed back into the element of being alone most of the time. I hope that everything works out for me...

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 01:14:49 GMT

I've been home since Saturday and I'm having a pretty good time.

Saturday night I headed to Slippery Rock to visit Matt Batina, Lee and Fidanza. Angela and her friend Matt came along for the ride. I got to see where Matt and Lee lived and a few places they hang out. We continued to go to a few house parties, but they weren't all that fun soo we headed back to Matt's apartment to hang out and watch tv. I had a really great time. I have missed those guys a lot. I wish I would have gotten to spend a little more time with Fidanza but what can you do.

I miss being in good company and hopefully I will get to see them over Christmas break as well.

Last night I went to Edinboro to see where Angela lived and to meet a few of her friends. We went to Erie and did a little Christmas browsing. It was a pretty good night as well.

I'm so confused with my life right now, but being home is really good for me. It gives me things to do to take my mind off of everything that sucks right now. I am having the hardest time moving on. I just can't do it, but I can't wait forever either. It's so hard and I'm so sad. I look forward to better days.

Hopefully heading to Ohio to see my family either tomorrow or Thursday. Not sure what day, if at all, I will come back home before heading back to school.

I was looking through old things to throw away and it made me laugh. I kept this little box of "John" things. Letters, pictures, movie stubs, calilng cards...it was so cute. It was like our little life together before I went to college. It made me sad, but I also smiled at all of the memories.

I never was a fan of change........

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 19:09:20 GMT

Some people in your life are heavensent...
And I'm realizing about one person in particular
And I'm screwing it up

I'm confused, sad, lonely and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. This vacation could not have come soon enough. I was offered to go on a vacation, paid for, Jan 2-9. A cruise to the Bahamas. I've been thinking seriously about accepting. I need it and deserve it. And maybe it will give me the rest and rejuvenation I need to bring my grades up in school. Because I truly want to excel and be successful in life. It's just that at this point in my life I am so sickk of everything.

I want to believe that God doesn't put more on your plate than u can handle. But I feel like in this case he has. I am slowly breaking down. I keep telling myself it can only get better from here.

Every Wednesday from 9-11 I am so happy. Those Kindergarden children are so gratifying for me. They melt my heart and put a smile on my face. It's a great feeling.

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 17:15:32 GMT

This is a tribute to the nice girls. The nice girls made of sugar and spice, who always get overlooked, and who sit and endure endless ranting about the psycho-bitch stalker sluts men are wasting their time with, all the while embodying an angelic, classy exterior that is underrated. This is dedicated to the girls who pick up the phone at 2 a.m. to talk to their belligerently drunk guy friends and listen to them for hours about nonsense because they don’t feel like going to sleep. This is for the girls who still say thank you to the guy who hurries to hold the door open for the leggy blonde in front of you, then squeezes in front of you and barely saves the door from slamming in your face. This is in honor of the girls who reiterates how lucky any girl would be to have a certain guy, and then tell him 50 different ways to impress the girl of his dreams who is too stupid and stuck up to notice him in the first place. This is in honor of the girls who pump up a man’s ego because she knows how delicate it is, and once it gets bruised, she tells him how sexy/smart/funny he is so that his confidence (and head) is as inflated as it was before some dumb bitch ripped his heart out and put it in a blender. This is for the girls with the big hearts, who aren’t afraid to be silly, who lay it on the line, and who can go with the flow. This is for the girls who truly believe there is more to guys then sex and sports, but still put up with the sexist jokes and watch ESPN Sports Center without complaint.

This is for all the girls who have been told, “you’re the type of girl guys want to marry”, and who spend their Friday nights alone (or with other nice girls) because they don’t put out on the first date. This is for the girls who possess all of the qualities of a kick-ass girlfriend, but never get the time of day.This is for all of the girls who are unappreciated, but still unselfishly give their time and effort, go to great lengths to please others, and continue to genuinely care about other people’s feelings (even if they are assholes). This is for the ladies who are called prude because they would rather spoon than lick balls. For all the girls who are cast to the side, sit out the slow dances, and confidently go stag to social events, this is for you.

This is for the time you had to work at 8 a.m. the next morning, but still picked his drunken ass up and drove him around so his other drunk friends wouldn’t have to leave the party and so he wouldn’t have to stumble into his house puking at 3 a.m. This is for the time he ditched hanging out with you to play video games with his friends and for the time he blew you off to stare at some anorexic blonde with jugs bigger than your head in a bathing suit. This is for the time you went to hang out with him and his friends and even though he was too cool to admit he had feelings for you and practically ignored you the whole time, you still pretended not to notice as all comments were directed to your chest instead of your face. This is for the Scarface marathon you sat through after he bitched for the first five minutes of a romantic comedy you’d been dying to see, but you let him choose what to watch anyway, because you’re nice like that.

Nice girls don’t get the attention they deserve. We like sports, we like to get rough and dirty, we don’t ask you 100 times if you think we’re fat, and we don’t complain while you munch down four cheeseburgers as we enjoy our salad and water. Even more surprising, nice girls don’t get asked out as much as they should. We don’t expect anything fancy, I mean you can save that $40 you spent taking some whore out to dinner just so you could secure some booty time for dessert and use it to rent a video and buy us some flowers. I wish I could explain this, but the only conclusion I can come up with is guys are image-whores who just want a hot piece of ass and to uphold a badass reputation. Many of them claim they want a girl they can take home to Mom, but when faced with such a lucky find they say absurd, illogical things such as “Oh, she’s out of my league”, “The timing is off”, or “She’s not my type”. I’m sorry, but these conceited jerks I just have no tolerance for. There is no connection between what they say (“I don’t want to wake-up next to a stranger”) and what they do (“Who the fuck is this naked woman in my bed?”). Furthermore, they comment on the lack of women who possess the full-package that are still available as they continue to sleep around with any hoe-bag with a short skirt, blonde streaks, wide-open legs, and even wider-opened mouths. But one thing I will say is this does not last forever. Eventually the boys get tired of fucking the high-school/college dropout with STDs and illegitimate children, and that’s when they will be begging to tap the tight nice girls’ asses. The hard part is sorting out the loser guys from the ones who didn’t have to sleep with 25 girls to realize what they actually want in a woman and then making sure they aren’t involved with the very psycho-bitches that give us nice girls a bad rep.

So until these men realize what they are missing, until they actually grow big enough balls to go for the nice girls, until they are ready to get more from a relationship than blow jobs and booty calls, and until they have the intelligence to give us exactly what we need, I propose a toast to all the nice ladies. You know who you are, and *I know* you are sick of hearing you have to be patient and keeping waiting until what’s meant to happen will happen. But the truth is, the world needs your long comforting talks, your insightful suggestions, your pleasantly optimistic perspective, and your tendency to let the men act like heroes and take the credit while you sit in the background as the ditzy damsel who has so much more than what meets the eye. For all the crazy, immature, ill-witted things you fathom, for all the situations where your infallible performance is unacknowledged, and for the endless nights you spend trying to improve someone else’s life instead of your own, my gratitude and appreciation go out to you. You do have infinite, priceless, goddess qualities and our sovereignty and absolution is coming.

here you are miss anna marie

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 16:59:16 GMT

Two Names You Go By
1. ashl ey
2. ash

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. italian
2. irish

Two Things That Scare You
1. tornadoes
2. the dark

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. strawberry gatorade
2. hugs

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. shoes
2. hoodie

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment)
1. incubus
2. coldplay

Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
1. honesty
2. appreciation

Two Truths
1. im a lefty
2. im lonely

Two things You hate:
1. dirty laundry
2. school

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You
1. smiles (dimples!)
2. eyes

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. sleeping
2. movies or shopping i dont know

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. sex
2. to go on vacation

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. disney world
2. italy

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. have a family
2. live in a big city

Two Things You Wouldn't Admit
1. not
2. telling

Three people I would like to see take this quiz
1.
2.
3.

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 17:24:00 GMT

I'm reading Cosmo and it has an article titled, "Finding Love at Work." Of course, I know I shouldn't read it but I do.

It has a section for women who think their men are getting busy with a coworker. It lists signs...I read them and automatically start crying. Most of them hit so freaking close to home for me.

I wish I didn't read that...
I really hate myself and my life

after all this, I still love him and miss him so damn much. my heart is in so much pain and I can't quit asking myself why? how does one do something like this to another?

i could just die

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 20:17:35 GMT

Having a really rough week or two...

Waking up everyday being disgusted by the way you have let yourself go sucks. I don't even know how I got here. I spent so many days of my summer eating junk because I was so down about myself and my life and my self worth...I guess that's how I got here. Ugh the fact that I can't push my feelings aside and I allow something or someone to upset me that badly disappoints me. And what upsets me even more is that I have become fat and ugly and I hate it.

Soo I have begun to squeeze the gym into my day as often as I can, which usually is only about 30 min at a time. I also do Pilates at night. I thought it would make me feel better about myself, but it only makes me feel worse.

I just feel so sad and gross and who is going to want me looking like this? It really sucks, I remember I used to feel so good about myself and I used to feel so pretty. I could go to the mall, try anything on and it looked good. Now, I can't find anything to fit me right and I cover up in tshirts and sweatshirts because I'm embarassed.

My life could not get any worse at this point.